I thought I was satisfied with my JoeUser experience. I was content with my place in the world, hovering around the 250s. I thought it was an accomplishment only being here a couple weeks and already being at that user rank. Then I wrote my article on Troll Attacks and was propelled into the 150s. Still happy. Still in my own little "user rank" world. I even took to checking in every day to see how I was doing,. The ranks of other users never entered my mind.

    Enter Sir Peter Maxwell and his meteoric rise to JoeUser stardom. I love Sir Peter's blog. It's the only blog I regularly read without being drawn in by an interesting headline. I greatly enjoy Sir Peter's adventures and his interactions with his loyal followers. Then one day I clicked the wrong thing and accidentally saw Sir Peter's user ranking. (Then 44, as of this writing 24.) I immediately developed Peter's Points Envy. ("That's right, Dr. Freud, I'm envious of Peter's Point and I don't care what you make of it! Dirty minded bugger.")

    44? I'd been here twice as long as he had. I take such care over my pathetic little blogs, researching. crafting, searching Google for appropriate links.... It's not the amount of work I'd do on a journalistic piece, but it's still not some hastily tossed off note. And Sir Peter comes along and becomes the darling of JoeUser. My my.

    Then there's BulbousHead who has managed to, as of this writing, achieve the rank of 56 without ever having written a blog! He has climbed to that position based solely upon commenting on other people's blogs. He's been here two months less than I have. Amazing. More power to you Bulbous! ("That's right, Dr. Freud, I envy Peter's Point and a BulbousHead. I don't like what you're implying. Do you know Marvin Cooley by any chance?")

    I don't begrudge either of them their achievements. They are obviously doing what they are doing extremely well. Each of them is making of JoeUser what they want of it. I'm happy for them. I'm just suddenly miserable for myself.

    I once saw the point system as a fairly good thing. It got me in here every day, making JoeUser the only site I visit every day. It gave me something to feel good about, maybe even something to strive for. But now that same system is causing me dissatisfaction. Now I look up there and see myself heading toward the low 100s and it's still not good enough. A few weeks ago I was content in the 250s. Now I wonder what rank, if any, would be satisfactory.

    Again, I don't begrudge the others their success. I realize the reasons for it and why there are disparities regardless of time spent here. I don't write very many articles. I don't comment very often. I don't like to be controversial. That's fine. They've made of JoeUser what they wanted of it and I thought I was making of it what I wanted. I accomplished that for which I came here. So why am I so unsatisfied suddenly? Is it that I feel I have more to contribute? I have 2 pages of unwritten blog ideas that complications from my chronic illness have kept me from being able to focus on and get out. Is it that I want to say more? Is it that I want to do more? Is it that I feel like my writing is superior to Sir Peter's and therefore deserves to be higher somehow-- even though I know the point system is laid out to reward quantity rather than merit? Maybe I'm frustrated that once one ventures beyond the border of one's own blog this place begins to look more and more like a high school popularity contest-- something only compounded (aggravated?) by that stupid JoeUser award.