Renee Zellweger and I were on the same back-lot at the same time once. That's as close as I ever got. Still, you can't blame a guy for dreaming, can you?
Well, my dreams are shattered, my heart is broken, and those who think I take to blondes like Sean Penn to a comedy club are saying, "Give me a break." Renee married Country singer Kenny Chesney yesterday. I guess it's fitting. Her "You had me at hello" line from the film Jerry Maguire inspired one of his biggest hits, a song by the same name.
I did go to see Jerry Maguire just because of her. That should at least rate an accidental squeeze as we pass in a tight hallway, shouldn't it?
Damnit, it's not that I didn't think of going the "write a song inspired by her" route, it's just that I'd not yet decided how to set "I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse" to music.
(I did have a minor hit with the dance themed "This Is An Occasion For Genuinely Tiny Knickers," but it had nothing to do with Bridget Jones.)
They've only known each other 4 lousy months! Reporters are calling it a "whirlwind romance." Considering they met at a tsunami relief benefit, that's really bad phrase choice. What, not creative enough to conceive "he swept her off her feet in a tidal wave of love"?
Then again, if it takes a couple hundred thousand dead Asians to bring her to the altar, what could I have done? Caused half of California to fall into the ocean?
You know, with such a brief courtship, it probably won't last. There's still hope. If I start hopping on the San Andreas fault right now...