The random thoughts of a genius...er...gene nash.
and it wasn't to me :-(
Published on May 10, 2005 By Gene Nash In Entertainment
Renee Zellweger and I were on the same back-lot at the same time once. That's as close as I ever got. Still, you can't blame a guy for dreaming, can you?

Well, my dreams are shattered, my heart is broken, and those who think I take to blondes like Sean Penn to a comedy club are saying, "Give me a break." Renee married Country singer Kenny Chesney yesterday. I guess it's fitting. Her "You had me at hello" line from the film Jerry Maguire inspired one of his biggest hits, a song by the same name.

I did go to see Jerry Maguire just because of her. That should at least rate an accidental squeeze as we pass in a tight hallway, shouldn't it?

Damnit, it's not that I didn't think of going the "write a song inspired by her" route, it's just that I'd not yet decided how to set "I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse" to music.

(I did have a minor hit with the dance themed "This Is An Occasion For Genuinely Tiny Knickers," but it had nothing to do with Bridget Jones.)

They've only known each other 4 lousy months! Reporters are calling it a "whirlwind romance." Considering they met at a tsunami relief benefit, that's really bad phrase choice. What, not creative enough to conceive "he swept her off her feet in a tidal wave of love"?

Then again, if it takes a couple hundred thousand dead Asians to bring her to the altar, what could I have done? Caused half of California to fall into the ocean?

You know, with such a brief courtship, it probably won't last. There's still hope. If I start hopping on the San Andreas fault right now...

Comments
on May 10, 2005
Alternate lines:
those who think I take to blondes like...
...Mickey Rourke to soap
...Paris Hilton to an honor roll
on May 10, 2005
Oooh - this is excellent! Maybe you can explain to me the whole Renee Z attraction phenomenon. Normally I am the first to say when a woman is beautiful, but with her I just can't see it. I then thought it must be a personality thing, but I find her really annoying too! No one has yet to explain what is so beguiling about her - can you help me?
on May 10, 2005
Maybe you can explain to me the whole Renee Z attraction phenomenon.


I... um... I... um...

Actually I can't. Maybe if I thought about it for a while.

The first time I saw her was on the entertainment news program Entertainment Tonight. They were doing a story on Jerry Maguire. They showed the scene where he is melting down in the office after being fired and her face slowly rises above the partition to see what is happening.

I thought she was attractive. And obviously I liked what I saw in the interview enough that I went tromping out to the theater. I can't give some explanation for why anyone else might find her attractive, all I can say is, for whatever reason, she clicked with me. And I don't even know why. It's not as if she really falls into one of my "types," unless I start a new type classified as "The Zellweger."

Not a lot of help, I know.

Do I think she's beautiful? Sometimes, in the right light, but not overly -- though I do find her attractive. I like her squidgy, pinched little face. I like the perpetual squint. Why? I have no idea!

Does she have a great personality? I actually find her too demure and almost forcedly ladylike, as if she was raised very strictly. If I wasn't predisposed to liking her I'd probably find it annoying. But since I do like her, I find it quirkily endearing -- a unique expression of her-ness. (Let's see how many words I can make up for one comment.)

I even think she is way too skinny -- the type of skinny that goes over the line into unattractive. But, again, because it's her I don't find it the turn-off I would in someone else. I do prefer the extra heft of the first Bridget Jones movie, though. C'mon, the bunny suit is sexy!

So I'm afraid I can't explain it beyond a personal clicking. Whatever she's got, it worked for me.


Which is all going to make it look like a have a major thing for our Miss Z, which I don't, just the typical fan/celebrity *ah if only*.
on May 10, 2005
Nice explanation Gene. Thank you.

What it made me think of was the fact that regardless of what we say we look for in a partner, people are always greater than the sum of their parts. The entire package is wonderful, yet when you pull it apart you don't know why you love it, you just do. I guess this is something similar.

Oh well, you never know - maybe it will be another Hollywood romance gone wrong and you can sweep in and save the poor girl's heart?

Suz xxx
on May 10, 2005
KENNY GOT MARRIED? Who cares about Renee...what about my Kenny????
on May 10, 2005
I first saw Renee on Empire Records - she played the tart basically. But I loved her voice when she sang Sugar High.
I loved her in Jerry Maguire and Chicago.

I'm not sure what it is I like about her either - MIGHT have something to do with Teegstar telling me that if a movie star ever played my life story Renee would be the person she'd cast.
(and Nia Vardalous is who I'd cast for Tegans)

I'd never heard of Kenny Chesney but I saw his picture -- he and Renee but have squinty looks when they smile.
on May 10, 2005
I'm about as thrilled as a frog in a blender.