Doctor's handwriting isn't the only thing that can be hard to read. These "what the?!" moments brought to you from the 'net at large. Extra comments are all mine.

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.
        [Was that before or after she got the bill?]
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
        [Can't slip anything past you, can we, Sipowicz ?]
5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
        [How dare they. There are several people whose permission to live I'd like to revoke....]
6. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
7. The patient refused an autopsy.
        [There's a necrophilia joke here I'm not going to touch.]
8. The patient has no past history of suicides.
        [Did he tell you that before he refused the autopsy? Hmm, "past history" kinda redundant -- like "dumb doctor."]
9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
        [That's okay, it's not like they're important or anything.]
10. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
        [Damn you Denny's!!!]
11. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
        [She should have ate at Denny's.]
12. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
        [I think I saw that video. It starts with the three nurses ordering a pizza....]
13. She is numb from her toes down.
        [What they don't tell you is that she walked in on her hands after laying on her left side for a year. This was shortly after the nurses ordered the pizza.]
14. The skin was moist and dry.
        [Mmm, Thanksgiving dinner at Denny's!]
15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
16. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
        [Either that's one short patient or the doctor is a repressed spelunker. I've heard of the "long arm of the law," but really....]
17. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
        [That's a custody battle I do not want to know about]
18. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
        [At least they didn't leave it at that other hospital.]
19. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
        [Are you sure that wasn't Dr. Fonzie?]
20. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
        [There's a constipation no divorce can cure.]