The random thoughts of a nash.
just ask the vicar
Published on October 6, 2005 By Gene Nash In Current Events
Harry Potter is gay.

Or so former vicar and current J.K. Rowling rival Graham Taylor announced to a packed auditorium of 12-year-olds at a school in England, just before being asked to leave the premises by administrators.

"As for Harry Potter," said Reverend Taylor, "well, he's not the only gay in the village."

Reverend Taylor, who is becoming rich and famous from his novel-length tale of wizards and sorcerers called Shadowmancer, was asked by a local bookstore, Ottakar, to speak at the school as part of his nationwide tour promoting modern language.

Much to the distress of teachers his "modern language" included such words as "ass," "pee," "fart," "crap," and almost "f---."

"His language was going to go even further," said headteacher Barbara Vann, "but he stopped himself. He started to use the F-word and that is not acceptable in a school environment."

Undaunted, the reverend defended his speech. "If you stand in any playground you will hear language that is far in excess of that," he said. "I heard these kids speaking in the school and outside, and they were using language far worse than the language I used."

Mrs. Vann countered, "We know children will use inappropriate language but we don't have staff using that language. It would seem as if we are condoning inappropriate language and we don't."

The administrators further condemned the author for his attack on J.K. Rowling's popular novels, in particular calling his outing of Harry Potter "homophobic."

"All I said was that my villains are scarier than those in Harry Potter," said Reverend Taylor, "and they are. I call Lord Voldemort Lord Vulgarwart and said that Harry Potter was not 'the only gay in the village.' It was a joke, a joke from Little Britain that the children would know."

When the children got worked up by the language and the attacks, the meeting was ended and Reverend Taylor asked to leave.

"The teacher stepped in to stop the talk," the reverend lamented. "The children were all shown back to class and I was just left standing there. It was very embarrassing."

That's exactly how the school described teachers' reaction to the talk, "embarrassed and uncomfortable." But Reverend Taylor felt the talk should have been allowed to continue. "The kids were obviously interested," he said. "I thought they could just be told to calm down."

He also blamed the incident for exacerbating his heart condition. "I had to take heart medication after what happened," he said.

Mrs. Vann hoped the reverend would see the error of his ways. "We all believe there was an error of judgment," she said, "and with hindsight he should realise it is not an appropriate way to behave."

The manager of the store which invited Reverend Taylor agreed, saying the language was inappropriate for 12-year-olds.

But for his part, Reverend Taylor chalks up the incident to prudishness and something darker. "I think it is down to a growing climate of political correctness. It is curbing freedom of speech. People are so paranoid now about what is said about each other it is going to destroy writing."

'Rude' author ejected from school
School expels author for gay jibe about Potter
Author expelled after calling Harry Potter gay

on Oct 06, 2005
wow, that was quite a headline. It grabbed my attention right away.
on Oct 06, 2005
wow, that was quite a headline. It grabbed my attention right away.

Good. Overall I consider my titles to be fairly weak.

I guess now we know the real reason Voldemort is after Harry.

What will the next book be called?
Harry Potter and the Chocolate Highway?
Harry Potter and the Burglar of Turds?

It boggles the mind.

It does explain why a teen boy hasn't used his cloak of invisibility to check out Hermione's full monty -- or found a good spell to knock her out and have his way....

Poor Hermione will have to settle for Ron, like Lana Lang had to settle for Pete instead of snagging Clark Kent. Unless she likes being a "fag hag," of course.

Will and Grace is ending this season. I'm sure NBC would be happy to start Harry and Hermione.
on Oct 06, 2005
. I do agree with the guy though. Harry Potter does not match up to more adult-oriented books (HP is of course good, but it certainly is pretty childish. Nothing wrong with adults reading it though).
on Oct 06, 2005
Golly Gee Gene,

The next thing you know, you'll be telling me that Sponge Bob, Batman, and He-man are all rump rangers as well.....

You know, Wonder Woman was a lesbian ( an island of women indeed !)

Sheesh, I can't get the mental picture of Harry riding his broom out of my head.......
on Oct 06, 2005
***Bad Cartoon joke ahead ****

Mickey Mouse wants a divorce from Minnie

"On what grounds do you seek divorce ?" asked the Judge.

"She's f**ing goofy " replied Mickey.

" Micky, remember for better or worse, you can't leave her because she has a mental illness." admonished the Judge.

"I didn't say she was crazy ! I said she was f***ing Goofy!"

Lame I know, but it got the broom off my mind

on Oct 06, 2005
I think the writing style of Harry Potter does a remarkable job of staying in time with Harry's maturity as a person, from the first book which was little more than a glorified fairytail to the sixth and most recent book that had some genuine depth to it. Keep in mind that Harry is very much an angsty teenager even in the latest book.

on Oct 06, 2005
I think a great deal is being lost by some of the comments. This is about an idoit talking from the gutter to children (12 year olds) then using the excuse that is how they talk in the scool yard. In this case this is an adult (use the term loosely) who is a revrend, and should understand that such talk from an adult in a classroom environment is not warranted.

Just because children use colorful language does not mean that as a teacher, or an invited spearker that you should speak accordingly. We as adults, teachers, preachers, etc., need to attempt to teach the young children that that hopefully this will not be the language of their future.

on Oct 06, 2005
proof i'm truly demented: while reading your narrative, i began thinking 'dammit, this would make such a great beatles' song'.

an excellent find...and an equally excellent report.
on Oct 06, 2005
there was a vicar from france,
he wore no underpants
he opened his mouth
foul thought and deeds came out

tossed out the door in a trance.
on Oct 07, 2005
He was just wrong to talk like that in front of 12 yr olds. Nothing prudish about it. And calling Harry gay?? He had a girl friend in the 6th book. Just talk down a popular book to boast up his own. What a loser!