I've sat through some bad wrestling and some extremely stupid and annoying storylines, but tonight I did something I don't think I've ever done before. I turned off WWE Smackdown. Even random channel surfing had to be better than the embarrassing, car wreck, steaming pile of doo being broadcast into my living room.

If you were unfortunate enough to be watching UPN this Friday evening, I bet you can guess the moment I reached for the remote. Yep, the "junior league." Has it really come down to this, Mr. McMahon?

Midget wrestling? Midget wrestling? What's next? A 20 minute cold-opening featuring Vince McMahon taking a dump center ring while he screams at the fans to shut up because that is all their money is good for?

Maybe Triple-H and "Vice President of Creative Writing" Stephanie McMahon need to divorce. The writing was better when she wasn't getting any.

WWE is always a hit and miss affair. It regularly goes through down periods. But OMG! Stop it! Stop it now!

I have never seen it more completely boring from beginning to end. The new wrestlers have no charisma at all. They have the personality of boiled celery. Is "The Boogeyman" supposed to be scary? Compare that poser to Undertaker. No matter how hard they try to sell it, Boogeyman isn't scary; he's the ultimate answer to "Whatever happened to that weird kid who ate paste?" No wonder WWE has to keep importing long fired and retired wrestlers. They can't find anyone under 30 who has a pulse.

How long till they dig up some dead "superstars" and prop them up in the square circle for "The Ultimate REALLY Dead Match?" In this corner Andre the Giant and in this corner his opponent Crash Holly with his manager the lovely Miss Elizabeth. They can vibrate the ring like one of those old toy football games, so the corpses jitterbug around. Then at the end they can drop Owen Hart from the sky again, landing him on top of one of the other stiffs -- 1, 2, 3! -- we have a new Interdimensional Underworld Champion!

I'm sure it would be livelier than what we're being subjected to.

Since ratings are down it's only a matter of time before they blackmail one of the "divas" into something really skanky at peril of her job. We're all a little tired of the Playboy gambit, but they've still got hardcore porn left. "Lita and Torrie Wilson as you've never seen them before! The Superstars of WWE meet the Superstars of Porn!" Rey Mysterio can do a cameo, turning his 6-1-9 into the 6-9. His condom can be a replica of his mask.

After the "little people" finished, I eventually found my way back to UPN. It never got any better. Even the main event was embarrassing. It mainly consisted of "Rowdy" Roddy Piper --looking like any 60-year-old in black socks, lace up shoes, and speedo wandering around your local beach -- frantically crawling across the ring in search of a tag from his partners Eddie "I don't need no stinkin' subtitles, vato loco!" Guerrero, and David "Rock-lite" Batista.

I never liked Roddy Piper, but I felt nothing but embarrassment for him. Is trying to regain a little former glory really worth this, Mr. Piper?

Note to Vince McMahon: Fire everybody you've hired in the last 2 years and start from scratch. Find some real characters. Take some real risks. For pete's sake do something!