So, last Friday I'm puttering around my living room at nearly 8 o'clock at night when I'm practically thrown to the ground by loud BUM-PA-PA-POW BUM BUM BUM-PA-PA-POW hip-hop reverberations followed by muffled but decidedly evangelic tinged exhortations being shouted through a P.A. system. It cycled through quieting down a little, then getting dramatically louder.

My immediate thought was a street preacher with a truck had invaded my neighborhood. I'd seen such a display once in my hometown of Glendale, CA. A semi cab pulling a flatbed pulled up in front of Albertson's. A banner proclaiming Jesus as the answer hung from the side. About fifteen people bounced around playing Salvation Army-type instruments while a man using a bullhorn to augment his already loud mouth told people why they needed Jesus.

5 minutes of BUM-PA-PA-POWing later, I decided to wander outside to see what I could see.

Which was nothing, actually. They must have been a street or two west of here. As soon as I stepped outside, though, I knew my surmise had been correct. The television evangelist intonations had been too distinct for it to have been anything else.

Through the crisp, night air, I, and undoubtedly everyone else for nearly a mile, could hear: "REMEMBER JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON! GOD LOVES YOU! MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM PRAISE CHAPEL OF BULLHEAD CITY! JESUS LOVES YOU, MA'AM!"

I wonder how this type of thing plays to the non-Christians. I can't imagine it's any less annoying to the average sinner than it was to goody-two-shoes pseudo-fundamentalist me. It did, however, give me a good idea why Christmas carolers are out of fashion.

When I told my mother about it later she said the annual Christmas Parade up on Miracle Mile had been earlier that night. I should have guessed. Every year someone breaks away from the pack and goes wandering the streets on their own. One year while driving home I was suddenly confronted by Santa and his reindeer pulled sled heading straight down a hill at me. A couple "Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas"es later he turned up Ramar and continued on his way. Maybe he should have added, "I'm not the reason for the season, but Merry Christmas anyway!"

After about 15 minutes, my little evangelical friends pulled off to blast down some other Jericho's walls. If nothing else, it got my butt out of the house to check the mail.

So, the neighborhood excitement had ended, leaving me staring into an empty mailbox and the band of merry Christian soldiers disappearing into the evening darkness; two empty gestures on a cold autumn night.