I don't know who's responsible, who may have made phone calls, or what strings may have been pulled, but after more than a week and a half I have been freed from my captivity under the counter of Laughlin's only falafel stand/pool concession "Falaughlin World." I'm now free to blog again and go about my business as if nothing had happened. (The ten Iranian grandchildren of Falaughlin World's owners, who pummeled and kidnapped me from the community pool to begin with, made it very clear i...

Please excuse the misplaced 3s. As you read this article, you'll discov3r I'm blogging from an Intern3t connected cash register with a sticky 3 3 E. (Damn!) With the unseasonably warm weather came the d3cision to start the community pool season early. In a desperate attempt to cool off, I soaked in a vat of SPF 5000 and headed out. I found it nec3ssary to keep mainly to the middle of the pool as the North Eastern corner had been claimed by 10 of Laughlin's 14 Iranian citizens (grandchildr...

When foreverserenity posted Esquire's list of "59 Things A Man Should Never Do Past 30" it was suggested that someone should write a similar list for women. I decided to take up the cause. Here are the results. (The limiting to 29 is totally arbitrary. I actually wrote about 35 then trimmed it back.) 29 Things A Woman Past 30 Should Never Do by Gene Nash 1. Date vacuous eye candy just because "he's hot." (A.K.A. The Trophy Boyfriend.) 2. Own more than 3 cats. 3. Put glitter on ...

At first I couldn't see what the authors of this article had to complain about. Then I looked closer at the pictures. OMG! What a sneaky trick! WASHINGTON, D.C. Presidential Hall Dwight D. Eisenhower Executive Office Building Nov. 22, 1:11 p.m. EST Even hardened beltway insiders were shocked speechless when President Bush turned the annual pardoning of the "National Thanksgiving Turkey" into a political stunt. "There were children there!" said one west winger who demanded anonym...

I don't know if this is better or worse than a few months ago when the Catholic Church decided to advertise for new priests on beer mats. Somewhere in Sydney Australia, Anglican priest Rev. David "The Fighting Father" Smith has come up with a unique way to promote his website -- toilet tablets emblazoned with his image and website URL. (Or should that be URinaL?) Some of Father Dave's other promotions include an e-book entitled Sex, The Ring, and The Eucharist, regular fi...

Tony-winning actress Sutton Foster -- yeah, I never heard of her either -- was rehearsing the musical The Drowsy Chaperone at the Ahmanson Theater in Los Angeles earlier this week when a funny thing happened on the way to the premiere. During the number "I'm An Accident Waiting To Happen" she fell over and broke her arm. That's called irony, folks. I haven't been so amused by a story this week since the Baptist pastor stopped mid-baptism to grab a microphone and electrocuted himsel...

[Click here to listen to the audio version of this article! --> .MP3 (download) , .M3U (streaming MP3 format) ] True! I am afraid -- very afraid -- and almost paralyzed with nervousness. The fear sets my nerves on end, gripping across me like a hand-knitted wool pullover in a surprise summer storm. My very soul is the unwilling victim this mongrel cur in heat humps away at. Crazy? Insane? Of course that doesn't make me insane! I'm as sane as anyone else in this room. I... I can...

As I lay in bed, staring out the window at the full moon, I pondered what I could use to fight off werewolves. There's not much silver about the "silver"-ware. I doubt that any of what little jewelry I have is silver. In fact, I'm hard pressed to identify anything in the place that is certifiably silver. In the old days you could pelt the hairy beasties with quarters and nickels. If you were really good at flickin' coin, you might break hide or penetrate an eye ("Don't do that or you'll...

If you're old enough, you may remember Gilda Radner 's Saturday Night Live character Emily Litella. Emily would regularly appear on the news segment to rebut something she had heard during the broadcast. It always quickly became evident it was something she had misheard. For instance, instead of railing against a Supreme Court decision on the death penalty, Emily thought they were picking on the hearing impaired with a "deaf penalty." In another instance, Emily took a story about b...

I heard a horrible slur on Liberal women yesterday, and I just can't believe it. I overheard two uncouth "gentlemen" (and I use the term very lightly) exchanging advice on "screwing" and one said to the other, "Just remember the old saying: Righty tighty, Lefty loosey." OMG! I don't know where they heard this "old saying," but it is patently ridiculous to think you could tell such a thing solely from a woman's political orientation! I immediately challenged them, demanding, "Prove...

When I first read this story I was shocked. But I am sad and disillusioned to find the victim was our very own Grandpa J4J. Wednesday, June 8, 2005 West Bank, Israel A shocking documentary by Arab television network Al-Jazeera has led to violence in the streets here in the West Bank. An unnamed peace loving Jewish man on a mission of mercy was beset by stick wielding Muslim youths yesterday. According to witnesses, the man barely escaped in his car. He was briefly treated at a lo...

So, I'm reading "Funny Wikipedia Articles" by someone named Andrew J. Brehm when I happen across this sentence: "The only city in Germany with an explicit prostitution tax is Cologne." Which, dyslexic that I am, I read as, "The only German with explicit prostitution to ask is Col. Gene."     Don't let anybody fool you -- dyslexia is fun!

Invite as many liberals as you can to potlatches. Big Red likes 'em round and spongy.

Doctor's handwriting isn't the only thing that can be hard toread. These "what the?!" moments brought to you from the 'net atlarge. Extra comments are all mine. 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over ayear. 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day itdisappeared completely. 3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in1993.          [Was thatbefore or after she got the bill?] 4....