The random thoughts of a genius...er...gene nash.
Gene Nash's Articles In Humor » Page 3
November 7, 2005 by Gene Nash
I don't know if this is better or worse than a few months ago when the Catholic Church decided to advertise for new priests on beer mats. Somewhere in Sydney Australia, Anglican priest Rev. David "The Fighting Father" Smith has come up with a unique way to promote his website -- toilet tablets emblazoned with his image and website URL. (Or should that be URinaL?) Some of Father Dave's other promotions include an e-book entitled Sex, The Ring, and The Eucharist, regular fi...
November 7, 2005 by Gene Nash
I don't know if this is better or worse than a few months ago when the Catholic Church decided to advertise for new priests on beer mats. Somewhere in Sydney Australia, Anglican priest Rev. David "The Fighting Father" Smith has come up with a unique way to promote his website -- toilet tablets emblazoned with his image and website URL. (Or should that be URinaL?) Some of Father Dave's other promotions include an e-book entitled Sex, The Ring, and The Eucharist, regular fi...
November 5, 2005 by Gene Nash
Tony-winning actress Sutton Foster -- yeah, I never heard of her either -- was rehearsing the musical The Drowsy Chaperone at the Ahmanson Theater in Los Angeles earlier this week when a funny thing happened on the way to the premiere. During the number "I'm An Accident Waiting To Happen" she fell over and broke her arm. That's called irony, folks. I haven't been so amused by a story this week since the Baptist pastor stopped mid-baptism to grab a microphone and electrocuted himsel...
November 5, 2005 by Gene Nash
Tony-winning actress Sutton Foster -- yeah, I never heard of her either -- was rehearsing the musical The Drowsy Chaperone at the Ahmanson Theater in Los Angeles earlier this week when a funny thing happened on the way to the premiere. During the number "I'm An Accident Waiting To Happen" she fell over and broke her arm. That's called irony, folks. I haven't been so amused by a story this week since the Baptist pastor stopped mid-baptism to grab a microphone and electrocuted himsel...
October 26, 2005 by Gene Nash
[Click here to listen to the audio version of this article! --> .MP3 (download) , .M3U (streaming MP3 format) ] True! I am afraid -- very afraid -- and almost paralyzed with nervousness. The fear sets my nerves on end, gripping across me like a hand-knitted wool pullover in a surprise summer storm. My very soul is the unwilling victim this mongrel cur in heat humps away at. Crazy? Insane? Of course that doesn't make me insane! I'm as sane as anyone else in this room. I... I can...
October 26, 2005 by Gene Nash
[Click here to listen to the audio version of this article! --> .MP3 (download) , .M3U (streaming MP3 format) ] True! I am afraid -- very afraid -- and almost paralyzed with nervousness. The fear sets my nerves on end, gripping across me like a hand-knitted wool pullover in a surprise summer storm. My very soul is the unwilling victim this mongrel cur in heat humps away at. Crazy? Insane? Of course that doesn't make me insane! I'm as sane as anyone else in this room. I... I can...
August 21, 2005 by Gene Nash
As I lay in bed, staring out the window at the full moon, I pondered what I could use to fight off werewolves. There's not much silver about the "silver"-ware. I doubt that any of what little jewelry I have is silver. In fact, I'm hard pressed to identify anything in the place that is certifiably silver. In the old days you could pelt the hairy beasties with quarters and nickels. If you were really good at flickin' coin, you might break hide or penetrate an eye ("Don't do that or you'll...
August 21, 2005 by Gene Nash
As I lay in bed, staring out the window at the full moon, I pondered what I could use to fight off werewolves. There's not much silver about the "silver"-ware. I doubt that any of what little jewelry I have is silver. In fact, I'm hard pressed to identify anything in the place that is certifiably silver. In the old days you could pelt the hairy beasties with quarters and nickels. If you were really good at flickin' coin, you might break hide or penetrate an eye ("Don't do that or you'll...
June 21, 2005 by Gene Nash
If you're old enough, you may remember Gilda Radner 's Saturday Night Live character Emily Litella. Emily would regularly appear on the news segment to rebut something she had heard during the broadcast. It always quickly became evident it was something she had misheard. For instance, instead of railing against a Supreme Court decision on the death penalty, Emily thought they were picking on the hearing impaired with a "deaf penalty." In another instance, Emily took a story about b...
June 21, 2005 by Gene Nash
If you're old enough, you may remember Gilda Radner 's Saturday Night Live character Emily Litella. Emily would regularly appear on the news segment to rebut something she had heard during the broadcast. It always quickly became evident it was something she had misheard. For instance, instead of railing against a Supreme Court decision on the death penalty, Emily thought they were picking on the hearing impaired with a "deaf penalty." In another instance, Emily took a story about b...
June 18, 2005 by Gene Nash
I heard a horrible slur on Liberal women yesterday, and I just can't believe it. I overheard two uncouth "gentlemen" (and I use the term very lightly) exchanging advice on "screwing" and one said to the other, "Just remember the old saying: Righty tighty, Lefty loosey." OMG! I don't know where they heard this "old saying," but it is patently ridiculous to think you could tell such a thing solely from a woman's political orientation! I immediately challenged them, demanding, "Prove...
June 18, 2005 by Gene Nash
I heard a horrible slur on Liberal women yesterday, and I just can't believe it. I overheard two uncouth "gentlemen" (and I use the term very lightly) exchanging advice on "screwing" and one said to the other, "Just remember the old saying: Righty tighty, Lefty loosey." OMG! I don't know where they heard this "old saying," but it is patently ridiculous to think you could tell such a thing solely from a woman's political orientation! I immediately challenged them, demanding, "Prove...
June 8, 2005 by Gene Nash
When I first read this story I was shocked. But I am sad and disillusioned to find the victim was our very own Grandpa J4J. Wednesday, June 8, 2005 West Bank, Israel A shocking documentary by Arab television network Al-Jazeera has led to violence in the streets here in the West Bank. An unnamed peace loving Jewish man on a mission of mercy was beset by stick wielding Muslim youths yesterday. According to witnesses, the man barely escaped in his car. He was briefly treated at a lo...
June 8, 2005 by Gene Nash
When I first read this story I was shocked. But I am sad and disillusioned to find the victim was our very own Grandpa J4J. Wednesday, June 8, 2005 West Bank, Israel A shocking documentary by Arab television network Al-Jazeera has led to violence in the streets here in the West Bank. An unnamed peace loving Jewish man on a mission of mercy was beset by stick wielding Muslim youths yesterday. According to witnesses, the man barely escaped in his car. He was briefly treated at a lo...
June 3, 2005 by Gene Nash
So, I'm reading "Funny Wikipedia Articles" by someone named Andrew J. Brehm when I happen across this sentence: "The only city in Germany with an explicit prostitution tax is Cologne." Which, dyslexic that I am, I read as, "The only German with explicit prostitution to ask is Col. Gene."     Don't let anybody fool you -- dyslexia is fun!