Well, NBC's Last ComicStanding is now in the finals. Last Thursday they had the"reveal show" to give the results of viewers' voting from theprevious Tuesday. The final six were cut in half. Bye-bye, Jay London(my personal pick for winner). Bye-bye, KathleenMadigan. Bye-bye, Sicilian goddess TammyPescatelli. We were giventhree votes. While Jay London may have been my overall pick (he'sjust s...
"Hello? Homeland Security ? Good I want to report terroristthreats. I was reading this book and the guy in it said... no it wasa novel.... What do you mean? You mean you don't care that this guysaid...? What is wrong with you people? So if he phoned in a bombthreat.... Yeah! If the guy in the novel phoned in a bomb threat...!So that's okay with you? "Well there's a very real author behind it, isn't there? He is inciting violence! Listen, anytime anyone says something likethis people of de...
My apologies ifsomeone on JU has already pointed this out. There's aShockwave political cartoon that's taking the 'Net by storm. It hasJohn Kerry and George W. Bush dancing around and singing a veryfractured version of "This Land Is Your Land." Highlights include thecameos by Howard Dean and Bill Clinton. (Okay, the Clinton bitfinally got me to burst out laughing.) &n...
I don't know if this is better or worse than a few months ago when the Catholic Church decided to advertise for new priests on beer mats. Somewhere in Sydney Australia, Anglican priest Rev. David "The Fighting Father" Smith has come up with a unique way to promote his website -- toilet tablets emblazoned with his image and website URL. (Or should that be URinaL?) Some of Father Dave's other promotions include an e-book entitled Sex, The Ring, and The Eucharist, regular fi...
[Click here to listen to the audio version of this article! --> .MP3 (download) , .M3U (streaming MP3 format) ] True! I am afraid -- very afraid -- and almost paralyzed with nervousness. The fear sets my nerves on end, gripping across me like a hand-knitted wool pullover in a surprise summer storm. My very soul is the unwilling victim this mongrel cur in heat humps away at. Crazy? Insane? Of course that doesn't make me insane! I'm as sane as anyone else in this room. I... I can...
As I lay in bed, staring out the window at the full moon, I pondered what I could use to fight off werewolves. There's not much silver about the "silver"-ware. I doubt that any of what little jewelry I have is silver. In fact, I'm hard pressed to identify anything in the place that is certifiably silver. In the old days you could pelt the hairy beasties with quarters and nickels. If you were really good at flickin' coin, you might break hide or penetrate an eye ("Don't do that or you'll...
If you're old enough, you may remember Gilda Radner 's Saturday Night Live character Emily Litella. Emily would regularly appear on the news segment to rebut something she had heard during the broadcast. It always quickly became evident it was something she had misheard. For instance, instead of railing against a Supreme Court decision on the death penalty, Emily thought they were picking on the hearing impaired with a "deaf penalty." In another instance, Emily took a story about b...
I heard a horrible slur on Liberal women yesterday, and I just can't believe it. I overheard two uncouth "gentlemen" (and I use the term very lightly) exchanging advice on "screwing" and one said to the other, "Just remember the old saying: Righty tighty, Lefty loosey." OMG! I don't know where they heard this "old saying," but it is patently ridiculous to think you could tell such a thing solely from a woman's political orientation! I immediately challenged them, demanding, "Prove...
When I first read this story I was shocked. But I am sad and disillusioned to find the victim was our very own Grandpa J4J. Wednesday, June 8, 2005 West Bank, Israel A shocking documentary by Arab television network Al-Jazeera has led to violence in the streets here in the West Bank. An unnamed peace loving Jewish man on a mission of mercy was beset by stick wielding Muslim youths yesterday. According to witnesses, the man barely escaped in his car. He was briefly treated at a lo...
So, I'm reading "Funny Wikipedia Articles" by someone named Andrew J. Brehm when I happen across this sentence: "The only city in Germany with an explicit prostitution tax is Cologne." Which, dyslexic that I am, I read as, "The only German with explicit prostitution to ask is Col. Gene." Don't let anybody fool you -- dyslexia is fun!
Invite as many liberals as you can to potlatches. Big Red likes 'em round and spongy.
Doctor's handwriting isn't the only thing that can be hard toread. These "what the?!" moments brought to you from the 'net atlarge. Extra comments are all mine. 1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over ayear. 2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day itdisappeared completely. 3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in1993. [Was thatbefore or after she got the bill?] 4....
Dear Princes of Rome, Please weigh the following ten items when considering my nomination for Pope. Thank you. 10. I'm part Italian. You get to have an Italian and non-Italian Pope at the same time. 9. I'm multi-lingual, so I can keep up that whole "talk to them in their own language" thing. 8. I look good in weird hats. 7. I have relatives in Italy, so you wouldn't have to put me up or anything. (But I don't eat much, if you want to keep me.) 6. &nb...
Meanwhile, at an unidentified pub, somewhere in the world... I tell ya, we Irish are far more powerful than the Jews, we is. The Jews turned one river red, once. We Irish turn numerous rivers and millions of beers green every year. And, really, would ya drink a beer that had turned to blood, anyhow? Wait, I just got a good look at you. You might. Not only that, but we Irish are far more fun. Those Jews have a Wailing Wall. We have a Blarney Stone. So, when you ...
This is what I've learned from watching Sylvester Stallone's new boxing "reality show" The Contender.